Skimming the waves in the suburbs

Driving back in the suburbs of Philadelphia, I spend most of my time with my finger on the scan button, praying to get just one good song out of a forty minute ride. Though I will confess to liking them, there's only so many times you can lisen to "Womanizer" and "All I want for Christmas is You." As the radio was skipping through stations, I heard the words "a little like the National" and abruptly slapped the scan button, and seeked (can you say seeked?) backwards to the station I'd just passed over. This woman Heather, Hannah someone, was talking about a band that had a sound similar to one of my favorites. So I stopped to listen and while I don't see the similarities between the bands, I decided Heather, Hannah was right. This new band, Frightened Rabbit, is pretty great.

And for further confirmation, not that I believe everybody has to second my tastes, Pitchfork said, "Sure, Frightened Rabbit aren't the first band to explore loneliness, horniness, or emptiness in song, just like they aren't the first set of siblings to decide to jam together, but their jangly melodies claw their way inside your brain just the same."

PS. Found her today (one day later). Her name is Heather Browne and she has her own blog: I am fuel, you are friends.

"An Affair to Remember"

A friend of mine sent me this story from Slate's top 10 stories, called, "An Affair to Remember. "
The article reminded me of an Alice Munro story that was made into a movie called "Away from Her." Yet this story is entirely true. It's about an elderly couple in a nursing home, and if you're yawning already it get's more interesting that that, but I'm keeping this blog pretty PG.
Essentially, it gets at the question of autonomy and age. At what point do people stop being allowed to make their own decisions about love? This is not a happy Christmas-y story, but I promise you won't forget it.

My two cents

Feeling pretty zen today, so entirely unprompted, but hopefully appreciated, I'm offering you all one piece of advice that may help you in your dealings with friends, family, and strangers in crowded lines, returning unwanted gifts. Before you blow a fuse, stop and think.

1. Everyone's lost someone
2. Everyone's loved someone
3. Everyone's afraid of something.

That's it. That's all. Hope it helps. For more advice, see what the Dalai Lama has to say. He's been around and can offer a bit more wisdom.

Gifts for the holidays: Books for Him (or Her)

A little while ago, I compiled a list of books that I thought might be useful for those buying Christmas gifts. When I looked over my list, I noticed that the majority of these books were geared towards women. So, I've compiled a shorter list, that while not strictly for men (because we all know women will read books traditionally for men, while men seldom read women's books), I think your uncle, father, significant other, brother, and nephew will enjoy these picks as much as you will.

"The Brothers K" by David James Duncan follows the Chance boys, four sons of a former baseball player, through adolescence and adulthood. Traveling from India to Vietnam to Alaska, the boys struggles with loneliness, love, faith in God and in their country and their own identity. Tremendous both for its humor, poignancy and style. My friend Melissa brought this book my way. Thank you! (Duncan is also the author of "The River Why" a shorter, slower moving but no less enjoyable book. There's a chapter there about rain that will leave you soaking, shivering, and exhilirated.).

"Drive Like Hell" by Dallas Hudgens is simply the funniest book I've ever read. You wouldn't give this book to anyone but a good friend. No one looking for inspiration or hoping to learn about history or how to make the world a better place would read this book. If you aren't trying to keep with the Jones's or the Pullitzers and just want to laugh til you have to cross your legs, read this. It's about Luke Fulmer a sixteen-year old boy living in a truly dysfunctional family, who is trying to be a decent guy, to do the right thing, but finding "goodness" an elusive quality which was never part of his upbringing. The dialogue is matchless for wit (and yes, it's crass). Publisher's Weekly called it "a shaggy but thoroughly enjoyable debut." This book has been tested on at least three twenty-something boys. All approved.

If you don't mind something a little on the heavy side, I recommend Dexter Filkin's "The War Within." While at times it's hard to find your place as the book covers a lot of ground from Afghanistan to Iraq, no one can bring you closer to this war than Dexter Filkins. The Washington Post said, "Filkins's singular skill in this book rests in showing how war shatters lives and how some people manage to survive amid fear, violence, intrigue and chaos.”
I agree. I think writing and experiencing this book changed Filkins, for better or worse, he will never be able to look at New York or any other American city without thinking of the freedoms we have that Iraqis don't, and perhaps neither will you.

For more books like this check out finding Dulcinea's Political Book Must Reads.

For the younger set...

"The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" by John Boyne is recommended for any age, but it is technically a young adult book. It's written in simple accessible language for readers who are just beginning chapter books. The story traces the friendship between a Holocaust prisoner and the lonely son of a Nazi general. It's a very light read in one sense, but heavy emotionally. An excellent book for beginning a serious dialogue. As Harper Lee's Atticus Finch said, long long ago, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it. "

"Spud"by John Van de Nuit is a charming young adult novel about a boy growing up just as apartheid in South Africa is ending. While the book touches on race and culture, it's primarily a coming of age story about the struggle to survive boarding school when you're just a scrawny spud. Funny and touching. Not sure that you'll agree but I'd say it's the lighter, PG version of "School Ties." Along with pre-teens, I predict this book will be especially popular with teachers.

And for even more book advice, check out 20 Amazing and Essential Non-fiction Books to Enrich Your Library.

A Bluesy Afternoon

Like many people I know, and some that I don't, like Kris Kristofferson, I sometimes get the Sunday Blues.

Maybe you're familiar with the feeling. The weekend is over, you didn't get half of what you thought you would have accomplished done, and you're too tired to do any brain work. But you also don't want to stay out late or make yourself tired because you have a solid 5 days of work, or more, to look forward to.

From reading a few articles, I learned that besides being hung over, one of the reasons, we feel kind of down on Sundays is because our sleeping patterns are off. I've tried to fix this by getting to bed as close as possible to my weekday time, and I try not to let this slip by more than 2 hours. This makes me a lame party guest but a happier person. Taking the occasional afternoon nap also helps, but I don't know if that's considered cheating.

I usually reserve Sundays for laundry, grocery shopping, half-cleaning my room (making it bearable instead of plain revolting), and over-thinking everything I've said and done that week. Having a routine is nice but it can get boring. The winter chill makes me even more sad because it keeps me trapped indoors. But one of the ways to avoid just sitting thinking of what you should have done, and just suffering in your apartment or your house is of course to do something nice for yourself. You can bake, read a book, make fun plans for the week or get out of your home entirely. Bookstores, libraries, and coffee shops are the obvious places for people who want alone time without being alone. Or you can do something fun, something that's typically off-limits on Sundays that you would have done Friday or Saturday but didn't.

I went to see Cadillac Records, take note of the blues theme. And pardon the cliche, but I did, I loved every minute of it. Without giving too much of the story away, though music junkies and Chicago natives probably already know the story, it fulfilled the trailer's promise of sex and violence. But there was also substance. It touched on race and gender stereotypes and each actor was given a complex role to fill, each having his own flaw and moments of greatness. Plus the music was stunning--when I heard the breezy intro for "At Last" I literally held my breath in anticipation--and the plot held me until the end. I've been listening to Etta James, Chuck Berry and Muddy Walters all week, and their lyrics mean more to me now, than they did before. See it.

Oh Christmas Tree!

Part of growing up is taking care of your home and that includes decorating for Christmas. While I'm the furthest thing from Martha Stewart, in other words all my cookies are made from Betty's bag mixes, this year I am determined to create a warm, inviting and festive home for the holidays. 

And the first step is buying a Christmas Tree. My friend Cora, who celebrates Chrismakuh and loves any excuse to wander Brooklyn, was as excited as I was about my plans and offered her services. 

She pulled out her laptop and in seconds landed on Gothamist's Christmas Tree Superfun map. There was a spot just around the corner. Having never bought my own tree, the deliberation was intense. It felt like buying a puppy. I wanted one that was cute, had a little spunk something with character, kind of plump, but small enough to fit in the living area.We found one towards the back of the bunch and the Christmas tree man said he would discount it because it was a little flat in the back, and it had a kind of bare poky branch that stuck out the top, the equivalent of a floppy ear. We fell in love. Sold. 

We went to get Walgreens and picked up lights then for most the day the tree sat in my old inspector gadget boot. The boots my friend Fabio, delicately informed me looked like they belonged to my grandfather. (It helps to get fashion advice from someone named Fabio). When I told another friend about the tree and how brooklyn it looked sitting in my boot, she wasn't impressed. She asked me if I planned on watering my boot.  This is how I know she's no longer a Brooklyn-ite. She's practical."Christmas trees need water. Dry pine leaves are great for kindling once you put that lights on." 

So, now I have a tree, a stand, and lights. One thing left to decide: Star or Angel?

Forget the sweater

A few weeks ago, I met with a friend of mine at a business luncheon. When the subject of Christmas and buying presents came up, she told me that each year, her whole family buys each other books. It's been a tradition since her childhood. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised, considering she's a literary agent, but I was impressed. It's not easy to find the right sweater for someone, finding the right book could be even more difficult.

Anyway, with that in mind, I'd like to share my own list of books to buy this Christmas. Since many of my friends say they never have time to read, except for magazines, I think short story collections, make a great gift. Your cousin, boyfriend, aunt, or father can tear through one on the subway or while waiting in those long lines for returning the sweater you might have bought them instead.

This list is a blend of commercial and literary fiction. Since I don't really believe in pigeonholing literature. I'm not going to segregate. None of these books are brand new, but they're still my favorites.

Brad Watson's stories are exquisite and deeply felt. In a style that's lyrical yet subtle, Watson's "Last Days of the Dog-Men," introduces the readers to salt of the earth folk in rural towns and the deep mid-west, teaching them about trust, companionship, and the wonders of our imagination. You don't have to be a dog-lover to love these stories.

Circus folk and their descendents, former clowns, dwarves, and tightrope walkers populate Peru, Indiana, Cathy Day 's hometown. As an author, she didn't recognize the legends and rumors of her neighbors and ancestors as storybook material until a professor at University of Alabama's MFA program pointed it out to her. Nearly ten years later, she completed her collection. "The Circus in Winter" is a blend of fiction and history. Day's passion for the magical town where she grew up, and its delightful but also believable characters is contagious.

"A Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing" by Melissa Bank is witty and insightful. It's a good book for the best friend, who is bored of the overly serious books her book club assigns and wants something shamefully accessible and wholly satisfying.

"Dogfight and Other Stories" by Michael Knight is funny. Your male friends will like it, because even though it isn't set in Iraq or Pakistan or mention war in the title, the protagonist isn't a wuss. Your girl friends will appreciate it, because it's a window to the male psyche.

"Cures for Heartbreak" by Margo Rabb is both hilarious and deeply sensitive. It's a book marketed for young adults but loved by adult women. It's about recovering from all kinds of loss and learning to distract yourself from hurt.

If you're still not convinced that the short-story form is as worthwhile as those larger tomes, read Rachel Balik's article She'll tell you where to down-load stories for free. She'll also introduce you two three other phenomenal writers: Anne Enright, Alice Munro, and Peter Selgin. If you haven't ever heard of Alice Munro, here's an old post explaining what it's like to meet a legend.

Play my song

It always surprises me when I ask someone what kind of music they like and they respond with "Oh, I like everything, anything, or whatever." I can never tell whether these people are worried I'll make fun of their taste, or they just really and truly don't notice the difference between elevator music and Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah." When the lyrics are right, I love anything sad.

I've heard it said that our sense of smell is one of the strongest triggers of memories, and while there are a handful of scents that awaken thought of certain people, moments in your life and even foods--my new soap smells strangely like the inside of a box of Lucky Charms--I have to argue that songs, especially song lyrics have an even stronger effect, instantly tapping regions of your brain that shoot back images, sights, sounds and feelings. And I'm not just talking about the songs your ex put on a mix tape, I'm talking about the song sung by that goofy has been singer that your dad sang along to in the car, the song that your gym teacher with the mullet always played when you ran laps in the gym, (the same one that happened to be playing when you crossed the finish line for your first long race), and the song that will always belong to that friend you haven't seen and won't see for a long time.

These are songs that you will miss the next train for if someone is strumming them on the platform. You'll sit there in your car or a crowded shoe store or even a concert hall and absorb every word and every tone until they're over no matter the hour.

****

This posting seemed like the appropriate place to let you know how to find more of the great songs and bands that move you. You may already know about Pandora, which helps you find new favorite bands that sound similar to your old favorites, but you might not have heard of Senuti, which lets you download music to your computer from other people's Ipods. Wow! You do have to pay for the service, but you can try it free for 30 days. To read about what's fresh in the music world, plus pick up on some interesting gossip, and funny videos, check out Lizzyville. And for those of you who who, like me, have never downloaded music, or never known how to do it legally, there's findingDulcinea's Guide to Downloading Music.

Are blogs dead?

According to Wired, "The blogosphere, once a freshwater oasis of folksy self-expression and clever thought, has been flooded by a tsunami of paid bilge. Cut-rate journalists and underground marketing campaigns now drown out the authentic voices of amateur wordsmiths." 

So, apparently blogs are dead.  They are soooooo  2004. Jason Calacanis says they're over and so does Robert Scoble. Why? Because of the insult commenter. So that's it. Those crazy little buggers who fill the comment boxes with drawn out diatribes got under they're skin and now they're done. Poof. Well, this is rather unfortunate since I've only just created mine. It's also kind of fitting. It takes me a while to catch onto trends, jams, curling your shoe laces into little ringlets and not tying them, umbros,  cell phones, three-quarter lengths sleeves (I actually don't buy them that way I just shrink my clothes by accident, they call it DIY) , then Macs, and now blogs. 

Sorry for that, I'll try to keep the navel-gazing to a minimum but rather than discuss the popularity of blogs, I want to share why it was so difficult to create one in the first place. Look, I said I would "try." Anyhow, I believe that there are other people out there who have the same issues that I do with blogs. Aside from my worry that my blog would turn into a list of complaints. (I had a high school teacher who wore a button that said "no whining" and I try to remember it when I write. ) My bigger fear about writing a blog was that I knew I couldn't help but make it personal. Whether anonymous or not, it's a space where you share your thoughts, your beliefs and passions or maybe just your favorite photos and paintings.  It's giving a little piece of yourself to the world and asking them to be gentle with it. Whatever you put out there is your own and it makes you feel a pin prick and sometimes a lightning sized dose of vulnerability each time you click "publish post." 

People might not think what you have to say is funny. They might think the art you like is cheesy, or the advice you give is just worthless pop-psychology. Readers might see you as self-involved and vain or on the flip side, insecure and unaware. But still you should keep writing. Write for yourself and for people who care about the things that you do in the same way that you do (some of them may not even know this until they start reading). Or right for the sake of controversy, to start a spark to engage in a debate, meaningful hopefully, with those who disagree.  And excuse me for paraphrasing, because I know someone else has said this same thing in a slightly different way, but the more you write, the more you'll trust that the people who matter will take into account your imperfections, your poor grammar, run-on sentences, sudden tangents, political beliefs and musical tastes that don't jive with theirs, but they won't judge you. And the people that judge you, won't matter.