Mindfulness ...how to get there from here

I have gotten into a series of arguments lately with a housemate, mostly over my need to sleep and her need to have a life. And after an argument Thursday, I haven't been able to stop myself from mentally writing and re-writing future dialogue and emails to her in my head. And when you can't get a break from your brain you can't get a break period. I now understand what it means when people describe their brains as reeling. I was running in laps around the park near my apartment trying to let myself enjoy the sun, the breeze, my body in motion, and an anger-fueled faster than normal pace, but each time I rounded a corner, my promise to release my thoughts was crushed a few yards later under the weight of remembering something she'd said that drove me wild, setting off little emotional landmines, brain mines. Until I literally hit the wall-- actually it was a fence-- I wasn't able to slow down my brain, but there are better ways.

This article The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment from Psychology Today, is one piece I found genuinely useful. The author, Jay Dixit, cites Jon Kabat-Zinn, father of modern meditation, who says, "Ordinary thoughts course through our mind like a deafening waterfall." This I can relate to. Dixit explains the benefits of mindfulness, "Mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure. They have higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses." Perfect! So how do I get there. Step 2 of 6 cites author, Elizabeth Gilbert. I know some people thought her book "Eat, Pray, Love" was self-indulgent, whiney and perhaps even offensive (not everyone can afford to go to an ashram to recover from her divorce) . However, reading it brought me a measure of perspective, and I was proud of Dixit, a guy, for knowing to look to a woman's book for advice. You don't have to own a lab coat to be wise.

Gilbert writes of a friend who each time she sees a beautiful place, is so taken with it that she immediately panics: "It's so beautiful here! I want to come back here someday!"Utterly frustrated Gilbert writes, "It takes all my persuasive powers to try to convince her that she is already here."

Dixit ask explains that living in the moment makes us happier "because most negative thoughts concern the past or the future."

Still I wanted to know how do I get there. How do I get to "the moment"? I was trying so hard. It turns out what I was looking for was called "flow"...Dixit admits it's an "elusive state" akin to romance, but he makes it sound so enticing "The depth of engagement absorbs you powerfully, keeping attention so focused that distractions cannot penetrate." This is what I was looking for freedom from my distracting thoughts.

In step 5, I found myself nudging towards the answer. Acceptance. One of the reasons I could not get away from my frustration was because of my secondary emotions, I felt guilty over my anger, angry over being angry, frustration at not being able to appreciate "the moment" a good run, stunning weather, friendly people. If I just let myself be a little mad and stopped trying so hard I could forgive myself. Dixit writes: "The present moment can only be as it is. Trying to change it only frustrates and exhausts you."

Lastly the article reminds me to breathe. My brother and I love tossing around the line from the movie "Ever After." It's the only line in the entire movie where Drew Barrymore, dressed all in white, very dramatically and with a Russian accent that comes from nowhere says, "Just Breathe."
Turns out Barrymore was right.